melodycass

Funny Reads - LABELS

Stupid Product Labels

1. On a blanket from Taiwan
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

3. On a Taiwanese shampoo
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

5. On a New Zealand insect spray
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles
OPEN OTHER END.

9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

10. On a Sears hairdryer
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

11. On a bag of Fritos
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.

12. On a bar of Dial soap
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.

13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom of the box) DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.

14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

15. On a Korean kitchen knife
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.

17. On a Japanese food processor
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.

18. On Sainsbury's peanuts
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.

19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.

20. On a Swedish chainsaw
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.

21. On a child's superman costume
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.

22. On some frozen dinners
SERVING SUGGESTION DEFROST.

23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box
FITS ONE HEAD.

24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

26. On Nytol sleep aid
WARNING MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.

Funny Reads - Childrens' Books

Children's Books you'll never see..

"You Are Different and That's Bad"

"Dad's New Wife Timothy"

"Pop! Goes The Hamster . . . And Other Great Microwave Games"

"Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets"

"The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"

"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"

"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"

"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"

"Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse"

"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"

"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"

"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"

"Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"

Funny Reads - Church Bulletins

Actual Announcements Taken from Church Bulletins

Don't let worry kill you - let the church help

Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Belzer

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends

Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice-cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early

Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor

Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday

The bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow

At the evening service tonight; the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice
Funny Reads - Driving Test

Top 16 Things To Do In A Driving Test

1. Turn the radio on. When the examiner goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.

2. Rev the car really high, turn to the examiner, and say with an evil look, "Buckle up!"

3. Knock over every cone while doing maneuverability. In the middle of it, get out and check to see if you have hit every one.

4. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of plastic wrap down so he doesn't dirty the seat.

5. When the examiner tells you to stop, step on the gas. Tell him/her that you thought it was the brake.

6. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood latch and say "Oops."

7. Get in the car; look down at the pedals, and say, "Now which one is the gas again?"

8. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.

9. Fill your car with beer bottles.

10. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.

11. Tell the registrar that you are taking the remedial test.

12. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.

13. Swear at everybody on the road.

14. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light.

15. Beep your horn at everything.

16. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.

Funny Reads - EVE

Top 10 - Why God Created Eve

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the Garden.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that."

Funny Reads - MEN

Men are like..

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Floor Tiles, if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Bank Accounts, without a lot of money, they dont generate much interest

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Blenders, you need one, but you're not quite sure why

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Chocolate Bars, sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Coffee, the best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Commercials, you cant believe a word they say.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Computers, hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Coolers, load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Copiers, you need them for reproduction, but thats about it.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Curling Irons, they're always hot and they're always in your hair.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Government Bonds, they take so long to mature.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . High Heels, they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Horoscopes, they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Lava Lamps, fun to look at, but not all that bright.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Mascara, they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Parking Spots, the good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are handicapped or extremely small.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Popcorn, they satisfy you, but only for a little while.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Place Mats, they only show up when there's food on the table.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Used Cars, both are easy-to-get, cheap and unreliable.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Newborn Babies, they're cute at first, but you get tired of cleaning up their crap.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Crystal, some look real good, but you can still see right thru them.

MEN ARE LIKE . . . Dry Cleaners, most work fast and leave no ring.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two-hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you 50 cents?

In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
:
We know exactly where one bird with bird flu is located among the millions and millions of birds in Asia, but we haven't got a clue as to where a thousand illegal-immigrants with criminal convictions are located. Maybe we should put the Ministry of Health in charge of immigration

How to keep a healthy level of sanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. ( it works )

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Insist that your e mail address is:
Xena-Warrior-Princess@OCDSB.edu.on.ea or Elvis-the-King@OCDSB.edu.on.ea

4. Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

6. Devlop an unnatural fear of staplers.

7. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. After everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

8. In the memo field of all your checks, write "FOR SEXUAL FAVORS."

9. Finsh all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

10. Don't use any punctuation

11. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

12. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

13. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

14. Sing along at operas.

15. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

16. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

17. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

18. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name Rock Hard.

19. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won" "3rd time this week!!!"

20. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

21. Tell your children over dinner "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.

What you will never see on a hallmark card
1. So your daughter's a hooker,
And it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
It's really good pay.

2. My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire.
I noticed your cat. Sorry!

3. You had your bladder removed
And you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers,
And a box of Depends.

4. Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.

5. Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me

6. "Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder:
What the HELL was I thinking?"

7. "Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife."

8. "How could people as beautiful as you two have such an ugly baby?"

9. "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind."

10. "I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you."

11. "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
That you're not here to ruin it for me."

12. "If I get only one thing for Christmas,
I hope it's your sister."

13. "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy..."

14. "Thanks for being a part of my life
... I never knew what evil was before this!"

15. "Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again."

16. "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

17. "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike!

18. "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

19. "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

20. "We have been friends for a very long time,
Let's say we call it quits."

21. "I'm so miserable without you
It's almost like you're still here."

22. "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?"

23. "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

24. "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday
So we're having you put to sleep."

25. "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in West Virginia)

If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of it.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect it back.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Polynesia -- memory loss in parrots.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

For sale: parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!

You know you're living in 2005 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. ( i have done it )

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. ( im like that with drawing on paper) ( where is that save button? )

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail your friend who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have cell phones.

6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "0" or "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. Contractors out number permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.

13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.

14. As you read this list, you think about telling your "friends".

15. You are too busy to notice there was no No. 9

16. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No.9

17. AND NOW U R LAUGHING AT YOUR STUPIDNESS..

random questions (OM i speel ti wight)
What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?

What shape is the sky?

If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead?

Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars.

Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?

If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking?

If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?

What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?

Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?

What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?

Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands?
Surely he had spoons?

What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?

Can you read a picture book?

Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?

Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts!

If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?

if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?

Could you be a closet claustrophobic?

Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?

If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes?

Where do all the daylight savings hours go?

Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?

What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?

Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
(hmm lap top, internet contention, and a mouse)

Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?

How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?

Why doesn't broccoli come in a can?

Can you slam a revolving door?
(lol have try it )

How young can you be, but still die of old age?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they call someone "late" if they died early?

Why are the adjectives 'fast as' and 'slow as' often used in conjunction with hell, is hell slow or fast?

If the serving size on a can of soda is one can, then why is the serving size on the little can one can, too? Wouldn't the little cans be 2 cans?

If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?

Why are red buttons always the most important?

How is chess considered a sport?

Why is it when your sleeping it`s called drool but when your awake its called spit?

If a hermaphrodite got sent to a certain gender prison, which one would it get sent to?

If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "degraded"?

If you get chemo-therapy do you lose your pubic hairs?

Would you die if you didn't pee?

Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?

How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

When Jewish People go to Court, they can't swear on the bible, can they?

If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?

If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?

so they call a fortune teller who cant see a "blind seer"?

Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?

Can you cry underwater?

You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?

If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?

Why doesn't flavored gum turn your mouth that color?

If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground? (lol was for when i thought about it )

Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?

If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?

If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?

Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?

Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?

How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?

If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?

When the French swear do they say pardon my English?

Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?

How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?

How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?

Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?

In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
(must go and have a look)

Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?

Does a two-humped camel store more water than a one-humped camel?

If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?

Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?

What's the difference between a novel and a book?

How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?

If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?

If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?

If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.

Do penguins have knees?

Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on

Eight THINGS TO PONDER
Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 - ( hmm where is it? )

Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two-hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you 50 cents?

Number 2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:
We know exactly where one bird with bird flu is located among the millions and millions of birds in Asia, but we haven't got a clue as to where a thousand illegal-immigrants with criminal convictions are located. Maybe we should put the Ministry of Health in charge of immigration

Questions. another lot mhamhamhaaa ( has coffin fit)
There's a *NEW* Mexico?!?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

If vegetarians eat veggies, what do Humanitarians eat?

Why do psychics have to ask for your name?

If a cow laughs hard, does milk come out its nose?

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

If the #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2?

If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress?

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?

The "Psychic Friends Network" went out of business... didn't they see it coming?

Is it possible for someone to become addicted to therapy? And If so, how would you treat them?

Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If i wrap duct tape around my head, will that stop my brain from exploding? ( lol sister has try it)

Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

If a word is mispelled in the dictionary, is it mispelled? And if it is mispelled, how would we know? ( see my dictionary )

If its tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

If you are dialing from a touch-tone phone, Why do you call it 'dialing'?

Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

if you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse? ( so is VMK)

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Can you get cornered in a round room?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?

If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why do you go "back and forth" to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?"
Well what do you say to people that work nights?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

How is it possible to have a civil war? (as in a nice war)

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Why on Earth, with over 3/4 of our planet covered by water, don't we call it 'ocean'?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be wise to: "Quit while you're ahead"?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks. What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these people? Why don't they put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while delivering the mail?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

What's another word for Thesaurus?-

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Why is it that when transporting stuff on a car its called a SHIPment, but if transporting stuff on a ship its called CARgo?

If two wrongs don't make a right, then how come two negatives make a positive?

What happens if you get scared half to death 2 times?

How do I set the laser printer to stun?

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

General.

There are 10 kinds of people:
Thouse who understand binary, and thouse who dont.

In Order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.

Never forget a friend, especially those that owe you

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them

Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.

Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

You can't have everything, where would you put it!

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others. (yup that is me)

Strangers have the best candy.

Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.

My husband and I divorced over religious reasons. He thought he was god and I didn't!

Earth is the insane Asylum for the universe.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

- five minutes goes by - im back

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I almost had a psychic boyfriend, but he left me before we met!

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back!

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look too good either.

When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.

Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what you're up to.

Never drink water - if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...just hope it's NOT a train!

I'm not littering... I'm donating to the earth.

If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.

If you dont like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk! ( lol my first driving lesson park on the side walk)

Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.

DEAR IRS, Please cancel my subscription.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defence.

Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car - the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!

Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.

Only in America do we have drive up ATM's with braile on them.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is 'uncopyrightable'!

The only ones who aren't grateful on Thanksgiving are turkeys.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.

Money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery much easier to live with.

Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it.

I'd have a photographic memory but it was never developed.

I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake.

If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.

He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers-

I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn´t explain away afterwards.

It´s funny- the ppl. who want quiet are always the loudest getting everyone else to shut up.

Imagine how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Whoever said money can´t buy happiness doesn´t know where to shop.

Dont steal, the government hates competition
The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

If it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight.

Anyone who wants the presidency enough that he will spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Random. hehe
Its all fun and games until the flying monkeys attack

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure...

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

Constant change is here to stay.

I know it sounds like I'm in denial, but I'm not.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.

All generalizations are false, even this one.

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.--Albert Einstein

That place is so crowded, nobody goes there anymore

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid. (or ocd)

I can resist everything except temptation.

You non conformists are all the same.

I have decided to be indecisive.

My imaginary friend thinks you have some serious problems.

If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane.

Dain Bramaged

Im not as random as you think i salad!

Global warming is MELTING my penguins!

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Lazy. ...........
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at the moment.

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.

A conclusion is simply the place where you get tired of thinking.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second worm gets to live.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy

If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a fool.

I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.

The best part about procrastination is that you are never bored, because you have all kinds of things that you should be doing.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A watched clock never boils.

Time is money, money is the root of all evil, and knowledge is power. Therefore, procrastination is the key to world peace.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why give it a chance?

It is an undoubted truth, that the less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in.--Earl of Chesterfield

Someday is not a day of the week.

The time to begin most things is ten years ago.

Ignorant/Stupid. i r samrt

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

If ignorance is bliss, I'm the happiest person you'll ever meet.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

I'm not a complete idiot: some parts are missing.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls.
(lol done that)

When in doubt, mumble.

I may look busy, but I'm just confused.

I smile because i have no idea what's going on.

Not only do I not know what's going on, but I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

I am not stupid. Everyone else is just smarter than me.

Make it idiot-proof, and someone will make a better idiot.

Being good at stupid doesnt count.

The difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits.-Albert Einstein

Common sense is not so common

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.--Albert Einstein

I'm knot dumb!

This DOG is a good DOG way DOG to keep an fool DOG busy DOG. Read this again without DOG

Stress. don't painick im not here IM OVER THERE

You know you're stressed out when you can hear Mimes.

If it weren't for stress I'd have no energy at all.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Usually I try to take it one day at a time, but lately several have attacked me at once...

I dont suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Everytime I think I've hit the bottom, someone lends me a shovel.

A great education has made me what I am today-Stressed!

Bumper Stickers. [sailor moon rules:)]

What if the hokey pokey IS what its all about!

3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population

Some people are afraid of hights, personally, im afraid of widths.

Ive been dieting for a month -- so far ive lost 31 days.

I thought about being an atheist, but there werent enough holidays.

Its bad luck to be superstitious!

I belive in ET. (I just got the phone bill!)

I belive in ghosts. My past came back to haunt me.

I belive in time travel. My past caught up with me.

I have the body of a 20 year old. (Hes in the back trunk and boy hes starting to smell)

We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.

Ive got enough cash to last me a life time. (as long as i die in the next 20 minites)

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

My doctor told me i was fat. I said i wanted a second opinion. He said "Ok, your ugly too".

How is my driving? Call: (SUM) 1-WHO-CARES

Its hard to make a comeback when you havent been anywere.

When i die im leaving my body to science fiction.

Someday we will all look back on this and plow into a parked car.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

If you are psychic - think "HONK"

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

Don't get me mad! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies!

You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. iiii iiii
i iiii i
i i
i i
i i
i

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

Grow your own dope, plant a man.

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill it.

You! Off my planet!

Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

I'm just driving this way to get you mad.

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

Hang up and drive.

Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

pass on this lot lol -

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinn! y dippin g," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible

in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Please pass this along to your family and friends for a smile .

No. Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.

Things are only impossible until they are not.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

What's another word for synonym?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

It was all so different before everything changed.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

War determines not who is right, but who is left.

Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.

A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If the psychic hotline really was... wouldn't they call you?

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

I can't give you a brain, but I can give you a diploma!

It's OK to be social, just don't tell anyone about it.

If it ain't broke, you need more software.

"Everything has a purpose" he said for no reason at all.

I'm not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am...

A mighty oak is the result of a nut that held its ground.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Despite the rising cost of living, it remains a popular activity.

Trying is the first step to failing.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Quantum mechanics: the dreams that stuff is made of.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Start planning today, to be spontaneous tomorrow.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

Why is a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere...

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

If ignorance is bliss, you must be ecstatic.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

All generalizations are false.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Life would be much easier if I had the source code.

Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...

Yeah, dude, whatever.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Never put your finger where you wouldn't put your nose.

Disclaimer: I'm not as smart as I think I am.

I started with nothing and have most of it left.

I took a pain pill. Why are you still here?

If you lack enemies, you are not doing something worthwhile.

Life is the school. Love is the lesson.

Not a morning person doesn't even begin to cover it.

This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me!

Today's mighty oak is just yesterdays nut.

To know, To will, To Dare & To keep silent.

YESTERDAY was the last day for complaints.

Your silence will not protect you.

Age & treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

Enjoy life, this is not a dress rehearsal.

I know there's a Hell- I work in retail.

I'll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.

I'm not tense...just terribly, terribly alert.

I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

Instead of being born again, why not just grow up?

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

No. My powers can only be used for GOOD.

Whoever says that the small things don't matter should try sleeping with a mosquito in the room.

Love your enemies, it gets them really confused.

Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change.

Minds are like parachutes...They only function when open.

My mind wandered..and never came back.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Next mood swing... 6 minutes.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.

Reality is for people who lack imagination.

Saw it...Wanted it...Had a fit... GOT IT!

SMILE...If you're not wearing underwear.

They are not hot flashes...They are power surges.

HI. I don't remember your name either.

I live in another dimension, but have a summer home in reality.

It's been lovely but I have to scream now.

"The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first."

I can only please one person per day, and I choose ME.

Chaos, panic & disorder.... my work here is done.

Change is inevitable. Struggle is an option.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

Control your destiny, or someone else will.

Don't believe everything you think.

Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.

Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

Hard work never hurt anybody, but why take chances?

If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.

If what you seek, you find not within. You will never find it without. Friends don't set friends on fire.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Chocolate is the answer to EVERYTHING.

Friends are flowers that never fade away.

Keybaord (n.): Instrument used to enter errors into a computer.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

Age is just an attitude.

Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Headaches are all in your mind.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

I went to school to become a wit, I only got halfway through...

I misplaced my dictionary. Now I'm at a loss for words.
I used to be Schizophrenic, but we're better now.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

I plead contemporary insanity.

Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

Cananyonehelpmefixthespacebaronmykeyboard?

Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your lower half unprotected.

Money is how people with no talent keep score.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

I thought I wanted a career... Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Excuses are the easiest things to manufacture, and the hardest things to sell.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Like Daddy always said: if you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense.

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

The silly poster / he writes really bad haiku / readers all go mad.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

All information in this post is true in some sense, false in some sense, and meaningless in some sense.

The more I learn about the Internet, the more amazed I am that it works at all.

The difference between insanity and genius is measured only by success.

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.

People who urge you to be realistic generally want you to accept their definition of reality.

If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.

I used to have a cool sig but people replied to it more than they did my comments.

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything then I regain consciousness.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Letting the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
There is no such thing as good luck. There is only misfortune and its occasional absence.

It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

Why do they rate a movie "R" for "adult language?" The only people I hear using that language are teenagers.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I tell him, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, I tell him, "Probably because of something you did."

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

There are three types of people in this world - those who can count, and those who can't.

Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get me.

Hello, I am a signature virus. Please add me to the bottom of your sig and help me take over the world! Resistance is futile.

I don't suffer from stress, I'm a carrier.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

Buckle up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car.

I can only please ONE person per day. TODAY IS NOT YOUR DAY.

Good judgement comes from experience, Experience comes from poor judgement.

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. YOU CHOOSE!!!

Having abandoned the search for the truth, I am looking for a good fantasy.

There are two kinds of people in the world, those that think there are two kinds of people in the world, and those that know better.

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the same stuff?

I knew something was wrong when my imaginary friends wouldn't talk to me...

Notice: Your mouse has been moved. Windows will now restart so this change can take effect.

Humpty Dumpty was pushed!

All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did they expect the horses to do, anyway?

Snow White and the Eight Dwarfs: The title, before they expelled Gassy.

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the
store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with
mens balls"

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My si

Piczo